Inner Critic, Meet Imperfect Hope

     I've taken two weeks off from writing, except for the occasional idea storm and background notetaking.  I finally started my first reading of Imperfect Hope over the weekend.  As I'd planned, my first read through will be sans-notes, I just want to get an overall feel of the story.  Later, I'll have notepad at side as I pick through the individual scenes.

     Inner Critic has taken to the reading with a harsh eye.  I have to admit, I started out dismayed by my writing, but I have to keep reminding myself, this is only the first draft, it's far from complete.  Lots of description will get added later, as will cleaning up of dialogue, developing consistency in voice and mannerisms and adding enough background.  My first reading is going to concentrate on the overall storyline, is it viable, what is weak, what needs further development, what just fails completely.  After I read it through, I'll sit down and have a conversation with the author...

     However, I've noted one major flaw during my first reading already.  If this is a ten chapter book, it feels as if you've begun reading it in chapter four.  Essentially, I've dropped the reader into the middle of the story.  The maturation of the characters is too far along for my original story concept, and I make assumptions that the reader will understand things I've referenced that really should be shown or explained well before this point in the tale.

     This isn't the disaster I first felt it was, because as I looked at how I've started things, I realized that there are a couple of ways I can add the missing content.  I'm going to belay deciding exactly how to restart the beginning of IH until I've finished my first reading.  Once I know where I'm going to restart, I should be able to churn it out fairly seamlessly, since I know where the story needs to go. 

     I've also been considering my observation from a couple of weeks ago that I needed some more content, sub-plot wise.  I'm mulling over one possibility, that involves the older brother of Cerryn, serving as an officer in the confederacy in Half Moon Harbor.  Since I'm almost certainly going to begin Imperfect Hope with Cerryn's early years, I can introduce her older brother and show how his influence has influenced her own development over the years.  I can then put him in the story logically, and tie in that storyline with the whole empire plot line.  As a side note, Del asked about the cantankerous old mage/brewer concept.  Though I don't want to turn any IFGS-era characters into a comical stereotype, I do have an idea building around a pseudo-Delanore mage from the old days who is forced out of happy retirement (from adventuring) by the heavy hand of the "Damned Impies"  (old-timey nickname for the imperials of Sha'te fame).  Having him reluctantly join up with Cerryn's brother in resisting the Impies in Half Moon Harbor seems like a good idea right now...  (Famous last words...  "Here, hold my beer, I want to try something, seems like a good idea...")

     Finally, a work-related note:  This has been a really ugly summer for bad weather, aviation wise.  This week in particular has really chewed us up.  Anyone out there know how to placate the thunderstorm gods???

TTFN,  Jim

Don't even think about it, and Where are they now?

     I promised myself I wouldn't think about Imperfect Hope for at least a week.  Like the old joke goes, "whatever you do, don't think about bananas..."  (Try it.  Tell yourself "don't think about bananas", and see what you think about) ;-)

     That leaves me with a bit of a vacuum to fill, writing wise.  In truth, I've stayed away from all writing since last sunday, though I've allowed myself to pick up a pencil and jot down some ideas (I suppose technically writing, but...)  Things like maps of the Mud Bay area and such, and "whatever happened to..."  regarding the IFGS version of characters.  That led me down a different road, "whatever happened to..."  with the subject being real people from the past that I've lost touch with.

     Sadly, that's a long list, pretty much anyone from high school or college.  I ran through a list in my head of significant people from my past that I still hear from or run across or, at the very least, know what happened to them, and there were almost none from about 1986 or earlier. 

     Granted, I went through some significant alterations in my path about that time.  I'd entered college with a pie-in-the-sky image of my career choice.  My naive view of a geologist was someone who traveled the wilds of the world, trekking through the most beautiful mountains and jungles of far away places, finding exotic minerals and turning the results over to the engineers to figure out how to extract it.  Many of the people I knew were in the sciences, with career ideas that ranged from medicine to engineering to finance.  My image of a geologist's life began to change when I spent a summer and fall working on an oil rig, where I met a real geologist, whose exciting career consisted of sitting in a ratty trailer 12 hours a day and collecting mud samples from the drill outwash every hour to record what kind of rock the rig was drilling through at that time.  It was amended further the summer I worked in Nevada following maps to collect sand in the desert, and the summer I took field geology.  I enjoyed the field work, hiking and such, but the reality was beginning to sink in.  Geology rarely takes place in pretty places, and a bachelors degree in geologyphysics wasn't going to cut it, anyway.  By 1981, I wasn't sure what I was chasing.

     I was still attending classes, and working essentially full time at a Village Inn, but...  The view was changing.  By the end of 1982, I'd dropped out of college, briefly chased a different dream to Idaho, and returned to Colorado to work in restaurants again.  Some more college classes revolving around a second career idea (computers) followed, which led to a new job path, starting out working at a tech company putting together electronic instruments for the medical field. (bio scanners and precision scales).  All that changed when I took the Air traffic control test in 1986, not because I was looking for a career, but because my girlfriend at the time was unemployed, and her dad (a pilot) suggested she take the test.  I came along for moral support, and stayed for the career...

     So I went from geology to aviation.  From imagining what a particular 5000 square mile area of rock looked like 500 million years ago, to predicting what a 5000 sq mile piece of airspace will look like 500 seconds in the future.  From watching things that move at 8 millimeters a year to things that move at 8 miles a minute.

     I wonder if the people I knew in 1981 would recognize my name.  I have a feeling that they would not, yet I still believe that I would recognize them in a heart beat.  I've wondered about their paths in life, if they've been as filled with as many twists as mine, or if their plotted paths came about as they'd envisioned.  There's a load of fun in imagining that, someone popping in after 30 years and saying, "Hey, what's up..."  There's also that fear of them saying...  "Uh, who are you again???"

     It'll make an interesting story. 

TTFN
Jim

Two... One... Whew!

     It's Done!  Well, first draft, anyway.

     Wow.  Productive weekend, I ground through the last two scenes, and added another to the first chapter to tie first scene in with the last one.  As a result, I consider first draft, Imperfect Hope, Done!  As I'd promised myself, I printed it out (125 pages of single-spaced, which corresponds to about 250 pages of typical paperback.)  There's lots of problems with it, but it is after all, a first draft.  Anyway, I printed it out, and shoved it in the desk drawer for a few days while I contemplate my next moves.

     Certain things leapt out at me that are in need of work during rewrite one:  For one, I feel like I need to add another sub plot.  Since my original storyline got shortened, the resulting plot is rather thin in places, too direct.  Adding content from the empire viewpoint, which I"d been doing these last two weeks leading up toward closing the final chapter has helped, but something is missing.  I''ve two main ideas, one is an expanded role for Major Vellars, militia commander at Mud Bay, I've presented him as a rarity in the confederacy militia, a competant soldier who has managed to turn the typical city militia into an actual useful force.  He'll eventually be drawn into the politics of the council in part two, perhaps I can start playing up that sub plot in part one by building a storyline around him.  My other idea involves an as yet unidentified character, mage by trade, who'll play a significant role in Half Moon Harbor in part two, where the empire's plan comes together.  He might be an associate of Randir and Cerryn, He might be a scholar thrust into a leadership role, or he may be a curmudgeonly old mage (well into his high nineties in age) who'd rather just stay at home and make beer, but those damned Impies will ruin everything.  I'm going to play around with ideas for a while...

     I surprised myself when I finished the final scene.  Originally, I'd intended to place Randir in the hands of the K'tath for healing, and have Cerryn head back to track down the empire spy.  However, I couldn't make a suspenseful ending out of that, once the badly wounded K'tath is in the hands of the kel, with krath healing on the way, what could possibly go wrong?  I toyed around with ideas, rewrote the last part of the third to last scene (where Cerryn and Randir arrive at the Inn of the Stumbling Friar), and turned on the chaos machine...

     In a wild experiment, I went to present tense, first person narrative, from the viewpoint of an old acquaintance of the IFGS doril folk, Cinda the serving girl at the Inn of the Stumbling Friar.  But (I hear Art say) this takes place a long time after Sha'te, umm, what?  Cinda is now 91, and has run the Inn for nearly 70 years, at first as Merricks (the original proprietor) only server, then as his wife, then as clan matron.  She's raised several children, one of whom now runs the Inn, and grandchildren and great grandchildren.  Somehow, she survived the rugged life on the frontier, from back when the IOSF stood all by itself on the northernmost track of the Great Northern Trade Road (back then it was a mud and rut filled track) until now, when a village has grown up around the IOSF.

     It seemed to work, but lacked something.  I recognized that what I'd done was create half of a frame, a writing technique where the author 'frames' the main story with a different viewpoint.  So I went back to chapter one, and wrote a new beginning, First Person Present tense Cinda again.  It seems quirky at first, but...  Something about it feels right.  I'll see how I feel about it a bit later, when I start rewrite.

Anyway, here's a snippet from the end of the first draft, Cinda's viewpoint.  Synopsis, Cerryn has brought Randir to the IOSF, hoping to find K'tath healing for him, but there seems to be no hope.  She now knows the assassin who tried to kill her is the same person who sent a doomstalker after Randir, and has some sort of tie to the Empire of Tallux, and fears if she delays, she'll miss out on finding him.

    Randir's hands are cold, the fever is passed for now, but I know it will return.  Outside, I hear the slap of leather and clank of buckles and such as Bernt and Cerryn saddle the grey, and load the pack horse with the some of the rest of her gear that she and Randir had stored here two months past.  I wonder for a moment if she'll come in to check on Randir before she goes, but I realize she's closed off her heart, and cannot bear to see what she leaves behind.  She won't say goodbye.  The horses will be ready soon and she'll be gone, back to Mud Bay to find her vengeance, the vengeance that she believes will heal her.  I hold both of the k'taths hands in mine and have a knowing...

     A knowing is essentially a vision of the future, and in this case sets the scene for book two.  I'll keep that to myself for now...

     So what's the next step?  I'm going to spend a couple of days just mulling things over, for one.  I'll draw up a couple of maps that cover the action areas of Imperfect Hope, that will give me a more solid reference when I do rewrite and tidy up the timeline of character movements and such.  I'm going to pull together a bunch of lore and make some decisions about defining in more detail how magic works, the politics of the confederacy and the empire, and put some ideas down about details to start adding in to the culture.  Then, I'll read the whole thing through once, mull things over again, then reread it, this time with a notebook and pencil to note changes and such.  I'll probably have figured out what I'm adding by way of sub plot, and I'll revise the outline of book two to make sure the whole storyline still makes sense.  Then I'll begin rewrite...

     By the way, I'm specifying rewrite, as opposed to revision, because I recognize that a lot of what I've written so far will change quite drastically.  WIth paper copy on one side, and the notebook with changes at hand, I'll open a new file in my writing program, and rewrite, allowing creativity to change whole scenes when necessary.  Yep, all 85k+ words retyped, and more content added.  Only after that's done will I move to revision, where I'll start changing paragraphs, sentences, and words.  Guess the works not even half done.  Oh well.

Anyway...  First Draft is Done!.  Now where'd I put that 25 year old Macallen Scotch, I'm going to need it.

TTFN,
Jim

Three: The crucial conflict.

     One scene of the final three has been completed over the weekend.  It's a crux encounter, where our heroes have a fatal (near fatal?) encounter with a doomstalker.  Yep, those nasty beasties have been drawn out of the IFGS D'oril and given a new life, and a shiny new set of leathery wings.  The empire spy, afraid of being connected to the empires no-longer-clandestine activities in the northwest confederacy, summons one of the half-demonic blood-hounds to eliminate the one person who can link him to the raiders, namely Randir of the k'tath. 

     In the IFGS D'oril, doomstalkers were used in a minigame to harry the pc's into hurrying a quest, they were monsters that would come back time after time to tirelessly pursue their prey, each time stronger than the last, unless (and in the minigame, until) the PC's gained some Elorna-blessed water and learned the ritual of closure to finally stop the doomstalker.  They hunted in a pack of three, and by the end of the game, took some major effort on the part of the PC's to finish them off.

     In literary D'oril, aka Imperfect Hope, part one, Min summons a single doomstalker by asking a boon of the shadowlord (a different sort of shadowlord than the Lor shadowlord that Ray has tormented us with for so long).  They were used at Sha'te, according to IH lore, and though Randir had never faced one before, he knew of it's only weakness, susceptibility to a certain sort of Elornan magic.  He and Cerryn manage to finish off the stalker, but...  What is the cost.

     That will be the wind down scene I'm working on next.  Cerryn had learned from Randir of the connection between Min, the raiders who struck at Mud Bay (names of towns will probably change), and with the doomstalker's arrival, she makes the final connection to the Empire of Tallux.  She's torn between making sure Randir gets to D'oril for the krath healing he needs to remove the shadow curse, and hunting down the assassin she blames for his death (as yet premature, but it looks probable.  You know how those writers like to keep you in suspense).  With the arrival of the kel group led by J'lan, who takes Randir's near-dead body back to D'oril, she makes her decision, and her goodbyes, not realizing that the shadow curse resides within her own soul. 

     The final scene will set the stage for book 2, with admiral Tash setting the scene for the empire's next move, Randir's fate hanging in the balance, and Cerryn beginning her journey back to find the empire spy and, besides obtain her personal revenge, stop the Empire of Tallux from whatever their plan may be.  This scene is, for now, the least well concepted scene right now, it's still rather formative.  I'm planning on outlining book two after I finish first draft, but before I start in on rewrite, so I'll let first draft of this final scene take it's rough form on the fly.  Chances are it will change later, but that's the whole point of rewrite.

     I'd begun to doubt my decision to split the story, for one, I was considering my new end concept a bit of a cop out.  But recent books I've read actually have followed this format (for example, the Seeker series by...  don't help me, I'll think of his name...  (dang, I'll figure it out later)) with some very good success.  In several of these books either Richard or Katlyn's fates have been left unclear at books end, to be used as lead in during the followup book.  As to book length, I suspect I'll have two very reasonable 250 page books by the time I'm done.  Wish me luck...

     Hope everyone had a great fourth of July, we certainly did.

Clear skies,
Jim

progress and history: Caution, IFGS D'oril spoiler (of sorts)

     I've added a scene to chapter one, and another scene to chapter four, setting up the revised plotline for Imperfect Hope.  I feel that both scenes are a bit weak, mostly because I was jumping back and trying to fit the new pieces in place.  I know it will come together during rewrite, though.  In chapter 7, I've inserted a new scene that will complete the foreshadowing and turn the next three scenes into a more suspenseful ending, and just started work on the next scene.  This scene will set the tone for the climax, so I'm approaching it with a bit of caution.  Regardless, I feel I'm on track to finish Imperfect Hope by mid July.

     One of the additions I'm tacking on is to increase the shadow emperors (as Prable the second is known outside the empire of Tallux) power and influence, and setting up the means by which he and the previous emperors have controlled their vast conquests.  It ties in with the wintergems, corrupted by shadow, which is a natural resource that they (the empire) have almost depleted within their own lands.  Thus the means for them to maintain power of the lands they already hold depends on them expanding their empire over more lands that hopefully have their own supply of wintergems, (or the as yet undefined alternative that I've decided exists in a vastly different form waiting to be discovered).  Up until know, I'd treated the emperor as a distant figure that didn't actually take part in the tale, but with the new direction, I've introduced him to add dread and a higher-order threat to the protagonists.  This actually ties in with my intentions re: the aftermath of Sha'te Valley.

     You seen, I'd written some notes some time back about sha'te's aftermath, and indicated that the failure of the empires army in D'oril lead to a revolution/coup attempt as the shattered armies under Yam'to's lieutenants made their way back to Tallux.  Feeling badly used by the emperor, Beauty, as leader of the Demonguard, managed to find a loophole in his conditioning/curse that allowed his human half to override the restrictions placed on his demon half to disobey the emperor.  During the long retreat, He and the few survivors of the demonguard shielded the van of Yam'to's army from the pursuing K'tath and allies, and more than once, was left to fend for himself in order to allow some favorite of the emperor to escape.  Once they made it back to safety, He took it upon himself to depose the emperor, the ensuing generation of conflict ended with a new dynasty being founded, Prable the first.  Prable succeeded in part because he called upon the shadowlord for support, not just Seta.  (I suppose Shadowlord vs Seta is sort of sunni vs shiite)

     Prable the first would redefine the empire's strategy,while keeping the ultimate goal of obtaining freer access to D'orils wintergem supply, he would consolidate his hold on the rest of the empire.especially the eastern seaboard which suffered from few useable ports, too many pirates and raiders, and poor infrastructure (roads and such) that linked with the heart of the empire.  He would strengthen his navy as part of his efforts, regaining control of the eastern coastal regions, and begin a campaign across the ocean, in line with his intent to avoid the frozen overland approach to D'oril.  He took the long view, without actually putting any specific plan in motion towards D'oril, he set the stage for his son, trained in strategy as well as shadow theology.

     Anyway, with this background on the empires shadowlord connection, I've set the stage for a confrontation in Imperfect Hope, where the protagonists face their nemesis again, and learn much more about the empire's long term strategy, all in the shadow of the Inn of the Stumbling Friar. Yes, it still exists, 75 years after Sha'te Valley.  I wonder who the owner is these days...  ;-)

TTFN,
Jim

Decision time

    I've made more progress on Imperfect Hope this week than most weeks over the last few months, even with my indecision over the path I'm to take.  Basically, I'm looking at a natural break point in the story line that would allow me to split the novel into two, and possibly allow me to add the prequel to round out a trilogy.  It's not unheard of for a writer to hash out the middle of a story first, nor is it unusual for the story to take on much more than originally intended.  I've been looking ahead at the outline, and wondering if there is another possible breakpoint a couple of chapters ahead, and it doesn't look so.  On the other hand, the balance between this part and the finish would be a bit off, about 2/5ths in part 1, 3/5ths in part two.  I'm wondering how successful I'd be at cutting part two, but I've recently added some strong content ideas to part 1 that gives me hope.  Perhaps there's a lot more where that came from when I work on rewrite number one.

     So...  Decision time.  Imperfect hope stalled out very badly over the last few months, but I'm back on track, putting weekly word counts back up.  If I keep up this pace, I should be able to finish the next chapter in 2 or 3 weeks if I add content and make an ending for book 1.  What then...

     Listening to myself think (outside the random chaotic thoughts of "Hey, look at the squirrel" and such), I've made my decision.  Imperfect Hope, part 1, first draft, is nearing completion.  I"ve got two scenes I'm going to add in Chapters one and four to foreshadow my coming cliffhanger, and I'll rework the final three scenes in chapter 7 to make it much more suspenseful.  I'm not going to set myself a time limit, since I'm not sure how much actual change I"ll have to do to make it a viable finish for IH-1, but...  With any luck, August will begin the rewrite.

     Oh...  Did I mention how I intend to work on revisions.  Well, when I finish first draft later in July, I'm planning to print the whole thing out, double spacing, and then...  Bind it together and stuff it in a thinking drawer for two or three weeks.  While it's put away, I'm going to have fun, draw maps and make history for D'oril, revise and refine my overall time line, and generally step away from Imperfect Hope to refresh my thoughts.  Then...

     I'll reread the whole thing, start to finish.  No editorializing, no revising, just read.  Then, make notes to myself.  Then, out comes the pen for line by line commentary and I read it again.  Find discrepancies in character behavior or appearance, history, settings, so on.  Identify weak dialogue, description, or mood.  Don't correct, just comment, then put it aside, perhaps for a few days. When I'm ready, I'll start writing again, with a fresh file on the computer.  No preordained sentences or structure, just use the first draft print out at my side as a guideline.

     Why this way?  Because I know how I rewrite.  I can take a paragraph on the computer, revise it on the spot, and...  I'll improve the paragraph, but not affect the strategic sense of the novel because I'm focused on one paragraph.  That kind of revision is important, but that will be during the final couple of workovers.  Right now, I need to look at the big, Novel-Wide picture.  In addition, I'm putting in the break period to allow myself to be purely creative with background material that will help me when I rewrite.  I know there are novel wide flaws in the first draft, things that I need to fix across a couple of chapters and/or many scenes, and trying to fix it paragraph by paragraph will just reintroduce a whole new set of discrepancies.  My notes should hold me to my overall vision.

     I'm excited about finishing the first draft.  It's a milestone that seemed out of reach only a few months ago.  I'm excited about the rewrite.  Now to swallow that lump of fear that's gathered at the base of my throat...

TTFN,
Jim

What? A light at the end of this tunnel?

     Progress on Imperfect Hope continues, over the last week, I finished another scene, and ground through about half of the next.  Meanwhile, I went back and looked at the big picture, from storyline to outline to see how things are going.  I've realized two things, that I'm nearing the half way point of my original storyline, and that I'm also nearing a natural break point.  If I were to split Imperfect Hope into a duology, or add the "origins" prequel to make it a trilogy as I've been considering, the next three scenes would close out the middle of the three books (or the first of two).  As a result, I'm eyeing the next three scenes with the possibility of considering it "the end" of my first draft of my first novel.

     Okay, that's bigger than I thought, I could finish my first draft in a couple of weeks!  Originally, my story estimate was about 90k words, right now, to finish my original outline it will take about 150k words, even without adding the prequel.  If I end up with the chapter I"m working on, I'll be back to about 85-95k words, depending on how wordy I get with the next couple of scenes.  As I said, this chapter seems to make a natural break point, though I'd have to add some foreshadowing to draw the tale to a satisfying ending and draw interest in the next book. 

     I am not sure if closing out is the correct thing to do yet, I've a couple of concerns about the viability of the storyline as standalone if I end with essentially a cliffhanger.  The initial plot is unfinished, the heroes have not resolved any of their initial problems, though they have uncovered a major plot by the empire.  They barely survived, and recovery for them is still in the air (at least as far as the current chapter is concerned), let alone stopping the empires spy.  If I end with this next chapter, I am fairly certain I could make the ending make sense, and with the proper foreshadowing, build strong momentum for part 2 (3?).  I probably would have to add a scene or two to close out empire activities (from their point of view), perhaps set the beginnings of the next stage of their plot in motion before closing out with our heroes splitting up in D'oril.  I'm intrigued by the possibility.

     However.  Am I being too stereotypical?  Perhaps, some good duologies and trilogies end with foreshadowing, unfinished business, and cliffhangers.  I suspect that many more bad ones try to do the same thing and fail miserably.  Am I "giving up" too easily, tired by the long drag through chapter 7, and dreading the next 8 chapters as too much to chew?  Is my inner critic (hah, he's not capitalized, that must mean something...) subtly trying to take over.  I'm going to mull these, and other questions, over the next few days while I finish chapter.scene 8.2.  I have made my own comparison to my d'oril minigame efforts leading up to Sha'te.  In the IFGS games, I allowed for minor PC victories in each minigame, but left the PC's with many more questions and worries each time, building toward Sha'te, where the conclusion (as far as the PC's were concerned) settled affairs in the north for a time.

     In the meantime, I'm going to finish chapter 8, scene 2 as is, then hopefully be able to look at 8.3 and see what kind of changes I'd need to make if I go for the finish early.  I suspect it will require some considerable changes in format, but nothing plot changing.  8.4 would have to be a change of viewpoint, back to the empire's minions to close out their actions for IH-1, set up the plot for IH-2 and such.  8.5 would then close out IH-1, back in D"oril, where I'd have to add some content, possibly in the form of a vision from Elorna, or prophecy news from the Sen, or perhaps just a reasoned realization from our heroes as to what's happening.  Another possibility would be to add another scene, taking place at southport, which is the next major action point of the empires plan.  At any rate, dark clouds on the horizon promise black times for the confederacy, but are our heroes ready to take their place on the stage of fate?  Or are they just plain tired...

     Stay tuned while I argue with myself while walking around the FAA air traffic control center, there may be yelling involved.  Hope the neighbors don't call the Longmont PD to resolve a domestic dispute...   ;-)